Note: I’m trying really hard to “temper” my temper as I write this piece. You’ll see what a good job I’m doing as I’ve left my initial thoughts in.
What is it about afternoon naps that are so terrible
, you little shits? The Dublets are now at the age and stage where they don’t feel that they need to nap and increasingly, 2 or 3 times a week, they protest. #1 tried this shit before and lost the battle (See Nap!) and now it seems they’ve ganged up on me and are giving it another whirl. Well tough shit too bad small people, you need a fucking NAP! The whole reason you are bursting into tears every five seconds when the slightest thing doesn’t go your way is that YOU ARE TIRED! You even tell me you are tired with all the snot and spit stringing from your nose and mouth, tears pouring down your bright red little face. What’s the problem? (see I’m NOT Tired for more on this topic).
I get so pissed off when I have wrestled them into bed for their afternoon “quiet time” and they fuck around the entire time. I really, really need to use my “quiet time” to finish my work for the day and when they don’t sleep, it all gets fucked up. Yes. It’s about me.
And few things boil my blood as much as trying to jam a large amount of work into a very small amount of time and having two
annoying children distracting me. My fingers are flying over the keyboard, my brain is on fire, I am focused, I have no distractions. Apart from the TWO FUCKHEADS WHO ARE JACKING AROUND RIGHT ABOVE ME.
And by the way, no wonder you hate nap time so much, you spend the entire time yelling out “Muuuuuuum, is it time to get up yet?” Then you’ll inevitably topple something off your bookshelf, pull your clothes out of your drawers, wreck the blinds or crap on the floor. All you need to do is lie there, quietly, until I tell you to get up. Simple.
And we’re not talking about hours and hours here, just one hour is all I ask for. One.
You don’t even have to sleep! I don’t care what
the fuck you do in there, just stay in there and shut the fuck up have some down time so I can have some down time. And without fail, after a full hour of bullshit, you’ll fall asleep. Just about five minutes before we have to be somewhere. Fuck it. We’re not going.
P.S. Of course, when I started writing this, all hell was breaking loose up there. Now, silence. OK, on I go.