Rip, shit and BUST – Originally posted September 27, 2012

I’m considering buying a taser. What the HELL is wrong with our boy, Dublet #2? I have NEVER met such a full of energy, destruction machine, tornado, crazy person and he’s only 2yrs old! When Dublet #1 was born, she was so cute and liked to play and read and as she got older, dress up and color. Even though she has a spicy temper, she has never been one to display the outbursts of complete and utter destruction her brother does. “Rip, shit and bust” is my favorite way to describe our second child, cute as a button but a complete “bull in a china shop”, both sayings my father used to describe me as a child, ironically enough.

Dublet #2 will burst through the door with such enthusiasm it will crack against the wall. If it doesn’t ricochet back into his face causing a gushing blood nose, the doorknob will punch a hole through the drywall, the doorstop no match for his might. He’ll then run down the hall, kicking shoes off and dropping a trail of Lego and leap up onto the couch, twisting and turning around like he’s been electrocuted. He won’t stop until ALL of the cushions are on the floor in a heap. Then, after he’s completely comfortable, he’ll sweetly call out “Mama Meeeeekeeeee Maaaauuuusss” which is toddlish for a request to watch a Mickey Mouse show. I’ll still be gaping in awe at the path of disarray he’s left behind him in amazement.

I grew up with a sister, no brothers and had only a handful on male cousins. Females dominate our family makeup on both sides. Girls are emotional, bitchy and often hysterical but I don’t recall ever seeing one destroy a room like my son can. The only thing that tops this twister of “Hulk” strength is when he’s doing it dressed up in his sister’s princess costume, complete with plastic pink kitten heels and a pink purse. He looks like a tiny RuPaul on a tear. Dub will have his head in his hands begging me to make him stop dressing up in drag. I think it’s funny……and I’m fairly sure he won’t do it in college…..maybe.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised as I clearly recall the first time I met Dub’s nephew, quite early on in our relationship. We arrived late in the evening after driving for 5hrs to visit his parents and stopped at his brother’s house. In short order, his nephew, who was about 3yrs old at the time climbed up on the couch….(oh how cute)….up on to the back of the couch…(wait a minute)…took a flying leap from the back of the couch to the ottoman and sprang over a coffee table, up on another chair and ran out of the room…(WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF MONKEY CHILD IS THAT????). Since that day, we’ve heard of many, many trips to the emergency room, a few broken bones and lots of cuts and bruises from the cousins. When I think further, on the day of my bridal shower, Dub’s mother told me to make sure we had really good health insurance because her boys and their boys had an affinity for the emergency department……and she couldn’t have spoken a truer word.

Boys are just “full of piss and vinegar” I’ve heard…..I’d say my little guy is more like a high speed chase through a minefield. And I wouldn’t trade one second for anything in the world. Oh I LOVE him so!

Oh, and he smells like a hamster and so does his room.